You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
