what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
