After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
I haven't been this sober since birth.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
