I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Randomize
