I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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