Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
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