I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
