Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Randomize
