Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Randomize