remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I have grass duct taped all over my body
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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