woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize
