Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
