He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
