if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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