Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
