with your own penis?
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Randomize
