I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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