bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Randomize
