third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
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