I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Randomize
