youre lurking in front of me
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Randomize
