If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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