I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
