we have officially lost it.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
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Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
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It was like giving head to a cactus.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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