I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
