Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Randomize
