Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Randomize
