he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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