My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
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