I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
