i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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