Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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