How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
