how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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