There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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