the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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