You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
