one might say we're banned from that church
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
