mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
this boner is exhausting
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
