He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Be still, my beating vagina.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
