a queef is a wish your heart makes.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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