well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
