I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
