The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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