Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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