so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Randomize
