Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
