Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
i would punch a child for taco bell
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
