I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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