i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
