I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
