Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
