I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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