i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Randomize
