where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
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I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
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It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
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