just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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