Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
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for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
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I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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