Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
