I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
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