im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
