My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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