I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
