Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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