did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
