i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
