3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Randomize
