Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
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