Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Randomize
