You can't motorboat a personality
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
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