Midget sex pt 2 tonight
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
