i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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