You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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