We named our party play list daddy issues
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
