i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
