I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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